Getting rid of the big

I was never a skinny kid. My parents put me in soccer to make sure I was healthy. I have the quads to prove it. 

I loved archery in gym class. Built up my arms in the process. 

Took a weight training course in high school. I held the record in my class for a leg press max (over 400 lbs.; the boys in the class couldn’t do half that). Again with the quads.

I was in marching band all through high school, even marching one summer tour with a drum and bugle corps. So now I also have calves that just won’t quit. Makes it really hard to get boots that fit.

I’m not what a late co-worker of mine called “sloppy fat.” People who weigh what I weigh are usually about 2-3 sizes bigger. That’s because of my muscle mass. I will most likely never get down to my ideal weight for my height. Not without having some organs removed.

I’ve dieted; I’ve exercised. I’ve given up carbs; I’ve given up sweets. But I just can’t get rid of all my big. (I’ve gotten rid of some of it– that’s where the post title comes from. I had a pair of shorts that I thought I was going to have to get rid of because I was too big for them. But now they fit.)

I don’t love being the heaviest person in my family. The hubs is a naturally skinny guy, and the kids seem to have all taken after him to a certain extent. I don’t have to worry about my children being made fun of for being the “fat kid.” But it bugs me that my clothes are so big and I don’t feel pretty in most of them.

I’m still a food supply for Buttercup, and the hubs tells me that I shouldn’t worry about losing weight until she gives me up permanently. And I know that I’m healthy: I can keep up with my kids, and life doesn’t wear me out. Diabetes runs in my family, but I seem to be dodging the bullet. I love to work out, but it just doesn’t look like it’s doing anything.

Then yesterday, I hurt myself. I was running through the rain and sprained my ankle. I don’t think I would be in so much pain if there was less of me to land on my ankle. 

Am I discouraging myself? The monthly charge to the gym that will go on for at least the next 8 months should help to prevent that. I just know something needs to change or I really will get discouraged.

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One thought on “Getting rid of the big

  1. I know how you feel. You need to remember that you are exactly who God made you to be: a phenomenal woman, with wit that just won’t quit (to match your calves) and a heart far bigger than your body. You are literally sustaining another human. Don’t worry about the weight or the big right now. And when she’s done, just get back up on that horse. You’re doing great!

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