Tag Archives: pity party

Getting rid of the big

I was never a skinny kid. My parents put me in soccer to make sure I was healthy. I have the quads to prove it. 

I loved archery in gym class. Built up my arms in the process. 

Took a weight training course in high school. I held the record in my class for a leg press max (over 400 lbs.; the boys in the class couldn’t do half that). Again with the quads.

I was in marching band all through high school, even marching one summer tour with a drum and bugle corps. So now I also have calves that just won’t quit. Makes it really hard to get boots that fit.

I’m not what a late co-worker of mine called “sloppy fat.” People who weigh what I weigh are usually about 2-3 sizes bigger. That’s because of my muscle mass. I will most likely never get down to my ideal weight for my height. Not without having some organs removed.

I’ve dieted; I’ve exercised. I’ve given up carbs; I’ve given up sweets. But I just can’t get rid of all my big. (I’ve gotten rid of some of it– that’s where the post title comes from. I had a pair of shorts that I thought I was going to have to get rid of because I was too big for them. But now they fit.)

I don’t love being the heaviest person in my family. The hubs is a naturally skinny guy, and the kids seem to have all taken after him to a certain extent. I don’t have to worry about my children being made fun of for being the “fat kid.” But it bugs me that my clothes are so big and I don’t feel pretty in most of them.

I’m still a food supply for Buttercup, and the hubs tells me that I shouldn’t worry about losing weight until she gives me up permanently. And I know that I’m healthy: I can keep up with my kids, and life doesn’t wear me out. Diabetes runs in my family, but I seem to be dodging the bullet. I love to work out, but it just doesn’t look like it’s doing anything.

Then yesterday, I hurt myself. I was running through the rain and sprained my ankle. I don’t think I would be in so much pain if there was less of me to land on my ankle. 

Am I discouraging myself? The monthly charge to the gym that will go on for at least the next 8 months should help to prevent that. I just know something needs to change or I really will get discouraged.

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